Discovering and Living by Your Personal Values
A Confession to Make First…
Around 8 months ago, I shared my thoughts on personal values on this blog.
That post struck a chord with many of you, sparking questions on my Instagram DMs, and maybe even a tiny existential crisis (don’t worry, that’s normal).
The thing about personal values is that they’re not a one-and-done deal.
Life keeps moving, throwing new challenges and opportunities at us.
What mattered most to you a year ago might not resonate today.
Maybe you’ve shifted priorities, or perhaps my last post inspired you to dig deeper. Whatever that is, something changed for sure.
And that’s why I’m back for round two.
Think of this as the updated guide, the second edition that goes beyond the surface.
By no means this is a rehash; it’s a deeper dive into why your values matter now more than ever, and how they can be your unfair advantage in the world.
Whether you’re here to refine your life compass, figure out why something feels “off,” or simply because I got a nudge to write this (let’s be transparent here), you’re in the right place.
Before going forward, do consider reading the first post before this one.
But if you want to stick here instead, you’ll still get the depth and value of the first one.
Funny question, if I have no values, is it ok to do what I want because I cant compromise on what I don’t have?
Ok, lets be real now and get going because we need values!
Not a Boring Introduction
Picture this: you’re scrolling through social media, and every post is shouting something:
“hustle harder,” “travel more,” “live authentically,” “buy this overpriced matcha latte because it’s your vibe.”
The internet is basically yelling, “Choose a life philosophy already!”
But how do you figure out what personal values matter most to you and live in balance?
Here’s the kicker: most people never stop to think about their core values.
Not in a “what-do-you-stand-for” kind of way, but in a “why-do-you-keep-making-the-same-decisions-and-regretting-them” way.
It’s like being the captain of a ship without a compass, or worse, with a compass that points to everything but the True North.
This actually makes a lot of sense when you look at the stats.
Research from NIH suggests that if we live life without intrinsic values, we tend to experience less happiness and joy.
Another research also stated that the disconnection between our actions and imposed beliefs can lead us to self-sabotage and lack of self-esteem.
So, the impact is real.
But let’s highlight one key note: figuring out your personal values sounds and feels… abstract. Intimidating, even.
Yet despite all of that, I cant help but raise the question:
what will happen if you and I are able to define our values?
That’s power in the making.
Suddenly, life feels less like random chaos and more like in tune with who you are.
That’s where this conversation comes in.
I’m aiming to call out the clichés about personal values and help you find something as real and unique as the way you order your coffee 🙂
So, lets get going!
What Are Personal Values?
Personal values are the core beliefs and principles that guide your life, plain and simple.
They define who you are, what you stand for, and how you interact with the world.
Freedom, loyalty, or justice to name a few values shape the big stuff in your life.
I.e., from your career choices to your closest relationships whether you’re aware of them or not.
Think of them as your internal Wi-Fi signal: invisible but always guiding your connection to the world.
If you ignore them, you risk waking up one day in a career you hate, surrounded by people you disrespect, and questioning why bad things happen to you.
So its safe to say that living by your personal values helps you stay true to yourself.
When your actions align with your values, you feel more satisfied and fulfilled.
This alignment reduces stress, gives your life deeper meaning, and brings clarity when youre faced with tough choices.
When challenges arise or difficult decisions need to be made, your values remind you of what’s most important.
And by sticking to them, your emotional and mental well-being keep getting better and better with time even if it means making hard choices in the present.
Ok Leo, I get it. Now, how can I know my own personal values?
Lets tackle that in the next section.
How to Identify Your Personal Values
Right off the bat, I wont list down a step by step plan or a course that walks you through that because this process isnt systematic.
Its something that only ‘you’ can come to put together over time and some reflections.
But, there are a few ways I’ve identified to actually work and will do you a huge favor:
- It all comes down to experiences.
Start here first. Reflect on your life experiences and times in the past.
Here, think about moments when you felt truly happy and proud.
What were you doing? What beliefs or principles were you following? What stood out to you here that you admired or disliked?
These moments can offer valuable insights into your core values.
- Role models
Who do you admire and why?
What qualities do they have that resonate with you?
For me, I really respect guys like Alex Hormozi, Sam Harris and a few more for reasons I find myself aligned with and stand by,
The same applies to you.
Write down these qualities, and you’ll begin to see patterns.
These patterns point to values that you hold dear, which are worthy noting.
- Value list
Honestly, value lists can be tricky and I’m slightly not a fan of them.
While they’re helpful to give you inspiration or an idea on a great value you can work on, they also come with a sneaky pitfall.
This pitfall is our tendency to check off every “good” quality on the list, whether or not it truly reflects how we live.
It’s like being handed a cheat sheet for who we wish we were, rather than who we actually are.
Think about it; when was the last time you actively lived by some of those shiny, aspirational values?
If you can’t remember, it’s probably not one of your core principles.
But lets say you went that route. Ok, now what?
If you Google “values list,” you’ll find hundreds of them.
So just skim through a few lists, and circle the values that really resonate with you – the ones that make you pause and think, “Yes, that’s me, or Id like to adopt this”
Once you’ve done that, narrow your list down to your top 10 commandments.
Then, look for patterns. Are these values showing up in your life?
Do they align with the person you genuinely are or aspire to be?
If not, why do you like to learn more about what you liked or missing?
The goal isn’t to collect all the “best” qualities but to uncover the handful of values that serves your lifestyle, career, and the future ‘you’. (See how I brought my blog’s name here!).
And as stated earlier, remember that values aren’t set in stone – they can evolve as you do.
Life changes, and so might what matters most to you.
That’s why it’s important to regularly review and reflect on your values.
For example, you might value ambition and career growth in your 20s, pouring all your energy into corporate life or your own business.
But as you get older, priorities could shift toward family, relationships, or deciding to be spouse-free.
Similarly, if you once valued spontaneity and adventure might later find yourself leaning into stability and security as you build a life or career.
All normal events and things we go through in our life.
Take some time now and then to check in with yourself.
- Are your values still aligned with your goals and aspirations?
- Do they reflect who you are today, or
- Are you holding onto values that no longer fit?
This reflection is especially useful during major life changes like starting a new job, moving to a new city, or even going through a breakup.
Maybe what you valued before no longer serves you in your current season of life.
In my case, I value success and achievements. Selfish yeah but I’m also bringing more change and help as a result.
What I valued before has totally shifted during the years, especially when I left my country and other beliefs behind.
The point Im making here is to not be shocked if you let go one day of a once strongly-held value or belief.
Regularly reassessing your values help you to stay grounded and focused on what truly matters.
It ensures you’re living intentionally and staying true to the person you’re becoming, not just the person you once were.
Hope that has made sense up until this point.
Now, we need to put these values into practice.
The easiest way to start is to set a clear goal and establish a habit around them on a daily basis.
Simply put, align your goals with your personal values to maintain focus and motivation.
For instance, if kindness is a core value, set specific goals like volunteering or helping others weekly.
If honesty is important, commit to being truthful in all interactions if it pisses some off (be strategic here).
If you value learning a new skill, setting an hour a day to learn that skill is a great step ahead to begin with.
This alignment ensures that your pursuits resonate with what you truly care about while making it easier to stay committed.
This is it really it! No complications.
1. Just reflect on your experience or people you admire
2. analyze if you had lived by some of these values
3. adopt what serves your life and future self
4. apply it unapologetically
5. reflect again, repeat.
The key to keeping new habits or changes effective in your life is to remove as much friction as possible.
This could be maybe changing your city if possible, maybe cutting a few people off or entirely something else.
Its your own life and you should be ok that some sacrifices must be made.
This is just a part of being an adult and a responsible person.
This nicely takes me to the final section of this post, overcoming these challenges.
Overcoming Challenges to Staying True to Your Personal Values
Resist Peer Pressure
This is the one that normally comes up whenever we try to make a change in our life.
Because now youre adopting something different that others might fail to understand or accept, youre now under the crossfire.
Here, the best thing to do in my opinion is to reflect on why your values are important to you.
Keeping this in mind can strengthen your resolve when faced with pressure to conform.
Also, learn to communicate your values confidently.
You can say no or express your opinions respectfully without feeling guilty to anything you just dont want to do or say.
Remember, youll never be liked by everyone, just as true it is as the fact that you won’t like everyone comes your way.
So what to do at this stage? You’ll naturally surround yourself with people who respect and share your values.
You’ll start to look for groups or events that cater to your new ideas or people who adopt the values you like.
Such friends will support your choices, even if they differ from the crowd.
Manage Stress
Here, there are two main things to start with that will drastically bring your stress down; engage in things you love and break big tasks into smaller ones.
Stress can cloud your judgment and make it difficult to adhere to your values and shrink your self-awareness.
So activities that promote relaxation such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga can be helpful.
The same applies when you deal with a big project.
When overwhelmed, ideally you’d want to break it into manageable steps so you can get a hold of it and form your plan accordingly.
Learn from Mistakes
We all are guilty of this and we will keep making some as long as we are alive.
When you find yourself acting against your values, take time to analyze the situation.
Understanding the context can help you prevent similar occurrences in the future and form a plan of prevention.
Also, be kind to yourself when you slip up.
Acknowledge that we all make mistakes and that these moments do not define your character, they tell you where to be better.
With this humility and mindset, use such insights gained from reflection and mistakes to develop strategies for handling similar situations more effectively next time.
This proactive approach reinforces your commitment to your values.
Conclusion and Some Parting Words
Without personal values, you’re just driving in circles and probably running out of gas.
When you know what matters most, decisions get easier, stress levels drop, and you can finally stop arguing with yourself in the shower about whether pineapple on pizza is a crime (it is).
But values do more than keep you grounded; they give you an edge.
For example:
- While others burn out chasing success they don’t truly want, you can build a life rooted in what genuinely matters to you.
- When your friend Sam let uncertainty paralyzes him, you’ll have a compass to guide you through tough decisions. Even if the choice isn’t easy, it’ll feel right.
- When you see how your friend Megan tries to be everything to everyone, your values help you say “no” to what doesn’t align and “yes” to what does.
This isn’t just about clarity, it’s about your efficiency, your focus, and your energy.
Here’s the deep truth: the world rewards those who know themselves.
Whether it’s in your career, relationships, or personal growth, people will trust and follow you if you act with conviction.
Your values don’t just help you live a better life, they make you a person worth paying attention to, learning from, or collaborating with.
In the end, hope this post has clarified a lot and left you in a better spot.
The reason why I created this blog is to distill complex topics into practically-fused tips and insights for healthy adulthood.
If you liked this, you might also like other topics I covered on the topic of personal values and others.
Let me what are your top 3 values that define your life and actions!
Would love to connect 🙂
Until next time!
