The Silent Struggle: Letting Go and Moving On
Introduction
Letting go can feel like trying to run a marathon with your shoelaces tied together.
We hold on to relationships, habits, or memories longer than we should, not because we love them but because we’re afraid to face what’s next.
Suddenly, you’re caught in a push and pull game between gripping onto the past and yearning to move forward.
Think about it:
How many times you have you held onto something that weighed you down? Guilty as charged too.
It’s a bit like keeping old clothes that no longer fit, just because they remind us of a time when they did.
We stuff them away in our closets, yet every glance reminds us that they no longer serve us.
If youre nodding with me, this is for you.
The thing is that your brain isn’t working against you.
We evolved to see attachment as necessary for survival and then some neurons jump in to make this stickier.
Oxytocin makes us bond with partners, dopamine rewards familiar routines, etc.
But these natural processes become harmful when loyalty turns into self-harm.
That job you can’t stand? The relationship that hurts your self-esteem? They’re like casts on a healed bone: once helpful, now restricting.
This isn’t just about “moving on.” It’s about growing beyond.
In this post, I attempt to answer a few questions:
- why we cling to the past,
- how to tell when attachment becomes unhealthy,
- and how to rebuild without feeling guilty.
Understanding Emotional Attachments
Many months ago, I wrote an in-depth article about attachments that covers how it happens, attachments styles and much more.
You should read it if you want to have a proper idea, but you can stick around for this one.
To give you a brief, emotional attachments are the ties that bind us to people, places, communities, and even objects in our lives.
But when these ties become too tight, they can turn into chains rather than support systems.
How to tell the difference?
- Healthy: “This relationship gives me energy to try new things and I feel safe and secure with doses of trust and growth.”
- Unhealthy: “I stay because I think leaving would destroy me and Id rather avoid that, or I dont think Ill find another partner.”
Unhealthy attachments develop when we cling too tightly.
These relationships can manifest as possessiveness, dependency, or an inability to function without someone else.
Unhealthy attachments are less about love and more about fear of emptiness.
You might accept a partner’s disrespect, a friend’s taking advantage, or a terrible job just to avoid the worry of “what if I find nothing better?”
Truth is: The emptiness you might feel isn’t real.
What seems like a void is actually an open space for new relationships that fit who you’re becoming, not who you were before.
Signs Its Time to Move On and Let Go
Revaluating your relationships when the following signs show up is a huge step to self-awareness and reclaiming your autonomy.
Some of these signs could be:
Behavior warning signs:
-
- You cancel your plans to handle their “emergency” (again).
- You search online for “Am I too sensitive?” and “what’s normal in relationships”.
- You tell friends “But they’re going through a lot!” when defending the relationship.
- You feel relieved when they cancel plans. If their absence brings peace instead of disappointment, that says everything.
- They react poorly when you set boundaries. Instead of respect, you get guilt trips, passive-aggression, or outright hostility.
Feeling warning signs:
-
- You feel bitter underneath your show of devotion. In other words, what you do shouldn’t feel like obligations with hidden resentment.
- You feel jealous of others’ freedom but call it “commitment.”
- You second-guess yourself more, apologize more, or feel like you’re walking on eggshells. I,e, feeling less confident.
- You can’t express negative emotions without fallout. Disagreement feels unsafe, and honesty leads you to conflict or punishment.
Physical warning signs:
- Ongoing tiredness, headaches, or stomach problems with no medical cause. this is stress in motion!.
- You feel a sense of dread or discomfort before get-togethers as opposed to feeling neutral or positive.
- This one is funnily painful: Your body tenses up when you see their name on your phone!!.
“If this relationship were a person, would I want them at my future birthday party?
If not, why am I still going to theirs?”
Recovering Steps for Attachment Addiction and Letting Go
The fear of abandonment or the craving for validation are some of the root cases for unhealthy attachments that also contribute to staying in such relationships.
But recovery is possible, and it begins with you.
So here are a few ideas and tips I recommend from my own experience:
Set your boundaries straight
Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out, they’re about protecting your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Without clear boundaries, attachment addiction thrives where your partner’s needs become your own.
- What to say: Instead of reacting with frustration, calmly state your limits.
Try, “I need Thursdays for myself,” rather than “You’re suffocating me!”
- Clarify emotional boundaries: Say, “I care, but I can’t solve this for you. Let’s talk about solutions when you’re ready.”
Express your grief and thoughts
You don’t have to rush through the grief of an attachment addiction.
Acknowledge what you’re losing, but also recognize the relief that’s coming.
- Write it down: Journaling is a cathartic release. Write out what you’ll miss about the relationship, the good, the bad, the ugly.
- Ritualize the release: Consider physically letting go. Burn the letters, delete the playlists, erase the pictures.
- Delete the emotional triggers: Cleanse your digital space.
Self-care is self-defense
For men, we hit the gym and be in awesome shape. For women, they do a lot of yoga and join communities.
Whatever makes sense to you, do it.
When you’re in recovery, it’s not just about pampering yourself, but to regain your sanity and rebuilding your sense of self-worth.
- Learn to say “no”: If you don’t want to take that video call, cancel it.
- Prioritize hobbies: Whether it’s painting, hiking, or coding, do things that bring joy without any external validation. Reconnect with your passions and desires.
Visualize your new life
The road ahead can seem daunting, but envisioning the life you want can be a powerful motivator.
- Draw or write about your ideal future: What does your morning look like six months from now?
- Who is—and, more importantly, who isn’t—there?
- What fills the quiet? Picture it vividly, and use that image as motivation to move forward. This vision becomes your north star.
- Create a vision board: Collect images and words that represent the life you’re working toward. Trust me, its so amazing!
It might be a photo of a peaceful morning, a travel destination, a goal, or even a place you want to find within yourself.
Get some support
Recovery is easier when you don’t isolate yourself.
Yes, you need to be alone first to process things around without influences and biases.
But at some point, involving therapy, support groups, or trusted friends is extra helpful.
Bonus: If you can reach out to a trusted friend or family member to keep you on track, do it.
Recovery and letting go arent a straight line, and you’ll have moments of weakness.
Having someone to lean on during those moments can make all the difference.
Remember,
letting go doesn’t mean you’re starting from scratch; it means you’re starting with experience.
To move forward successfully, closure is key.
Closure allows you to say a mental goodbye to the past, freeing you to embrace what comes next.
And the steps above can serve that aim rather well.
Final Thoughts
Letting go isnt a loss, its rekindling your relationship with yourself again. Remember this.
Letting go isn’t losing, It’s refusing to let your past control your future.
Untying yourself from what holds you back won’t guarantee an easy path, but it sure does let a bad relationship go away.
I hope you liked this post and have left with valuable ideas and tools to deploy in your life and relationships.
If so, please share this post with your friend or anyone who might need it.
I dont charge for anything at The Future You Lab, its one of my passions and desire to bring some perspective to some things I think about or went through.
Until next time, stay free 🙂
