Why Gen Z Are Leaving Dating Apps Like Mad
Gen Z are leaving dating apps faster than their parents can say “Back in my day”.
They approach relationships and dating with a healthy dose of anxiety, and a sprinkle of “meh” when it comes to commitment.
Here’s the deal: only 10% of Gen Z are “gung-ho for forever,” according to the BBC.
Why the hesitation?
In my observation as a Millennial, it’s because they are a bunch of realists, most of the times at least.
They know breakups happen, and dating apps offer a never-ending buffet of options.
So why rush into something serious?
Traditional dating milestones? Blurred beyond recognition.
Saying you’re “dating” someone feels old-fashioned, let alone being exclusive.
Commitment to you as a Gen Z is like tying yourself down in some way, which clashes with the culture’s “maximize your individual success” mantra.
Remember those awkward blind dates set up by your well-meaning but clueless relatives? Yeah, those days are over.
In the past decade, dating apps have exploded onto the scene, completely transforming the way you meet potential partners.
Imagine having access to a massive pool of singles, all curated based on your interests and preferences.
Here, you are in control.
You could filter your options based on everything from hobbies to height (guilty as charged!),
Swipe through profiles at your own pace, and only initiate contact with people who sparked your interest.
But things have changed. And Gen Z are waking up.
Its not like Gen Z is anti-love, nor that they have ditched the dating apps for good.
I think they are just redefining what commitment looks like considering the cultural and technological changes we are seeing.
So, I decided to reach out to some of my Gen Z friends to clarify their perspective about this.
This post is to highlight that conversation and how Gen Z are approaching relationships and dating in general and other interesting insights.
Let’s get going!
Gen Z Attitude Towards Dating Apps And Relationships
Gen Z and Millennials to a degree have a different attitude when it comes to relationships than the previous generations.
These attitudes are:
Change in perspective
Gen Z is less inclined towards traditional romantic relationships and marriage.
As a Gen Z, you are focused on personal development, emotional well-being, and clear communication in relationships.
Marriage is a lower priority for you compared to previous generations like Millennials.
In your head, youre like:
“Marriage? Isn’t that like, an app where you pay a monthly subscription to unlock new levels of emotional baggage?”
Authenticity above all
Just like Millennials, I believe Gen Z values authenticity, shared values, and meaningful connections in relationships over superficial factors like similar interests.
They are more cautious about performative activism or insincere beliefs in partners.
They feel that dating apps have taken away that authenticity to a greater extent.
One of my friends said that he would never download any dating app again unless they guarantee no catfishing! Sadly he got that!
Less commitment
Sorry Gen Z, but you are more inclined towards close friendships over romantic relationships.
There is nothing wrong with that.
This is mainly driven by disillusionment with dating apps, infidelity, and societal issues like sexual misogyny.
There is also another reason that I have noticed:
There’s a fear of commitment due to lack of guidance which might lead to toxic relationships.
Many young adults I have talked with as I was preparing to write this post haven’t been “trained” on how to build lasting relationships.
This fear, coupled with the overwhelming number of choices, can lead you to “choice paralysis” – the inability to choose because of too many options.
So if you’re a Gen Z reading this, you see friendships to be providing more emotional intimacy and a sense of community compared to traditional romantic partnerships.
From talking with some friends about this topic, I noticed something a bit worrying:
While there’s a lot to be said for prioritizing personal growth before settling down, I do worry that Gen Z’s focus on non-commitment might make it harder to build lasting relationships later on.
Strong relationships require effort and compromise, muscles that need to be exercised even if you’re not ready for the marathon yet.”
No old-school dating playbook
Gen Z rejects old-fashioned norms around romance and relationships, preferring more modern and diverse dating standards.
Here is a proof: you use different terminology like “vibing”, “kicking it”, etc. to describe your relationships (am I right?!).
This have a less serious and intentional goal compared to dating for older generations.
In other words, most of Gen Z is open to be in a ‘situation-ship’ with way less commitment than an actual relationship with one partner.
When I asked why, Nicole said ” you get the joy of it when you don’t think about it without the drama when you take it to the next level “.
Even though this logic might be unhealthy in the long run, she does admit this is bad and she is aware of that.
But, it is all about having fun while nailing other things like finance, career, etc first without going deep too early.
Post Dating Apps: What Gen Z Are Looking For
Dating apps might seem like the ultimate solution for finding love, at least for some lucky ones.
But to Gen Z, they’re starting to feel less like a matchmaker and more like a bad roommate who keeps drinking your almond milk and blasting music at 2 am.
Now that doesn’t mean dating apps haven’t led to real healthy and committing relationships between many couples.
I’m sure you heard so many stories of such sort.
But normally, it is less than of a happy ending than such stories.
So what is driving Gen Z in general to leave these apps?
The Pressure to Perform: Fake it Till You Make It… Out?
Imagine crafting the perfect highlight reel of your life, just to be judged with a single swipe.
That’s the pressure cooker of dating apps.
You as a Gen Z might face anxieties like:
- Fear of Rejection: One left swipe can feel like a punch to your gut.
It’s tough to put yourself out there when rejection is just a tap away. - Online Harassment: Dating apps can be breeding grounds for inappropriate messages and unwanted advances.
That makes you value your safety and security more.
Curated Online Personas vs. Authenticity: Strike a Pose, But Where’s the Connection?
Dating apps thrive on carefully crafted profiles – the perfect picture, the wittiest bio.
But Gen Z craves authenticity much like Millennials.
I can almost guarantee that you want to connect with someone real, not a carefully curated online persona.
It’s like trying to build a relationship with a perfectly filtered Instagram story – there’s no substance behind the sparkle.
So if you are a Gen Z reading this, I feel you and if you are choosing to step away from these dating apps, you are doing great!
This trend hints at a possible “dating app rebound” effect, where you and other Gen Z may seek more authentic and in-person connections as a response to your digital upbringing.
Superficiality vs. Self-Care: Swiping Right on Anxiety?
As I said earlier, Gen Z prioritizes mental health and well-being.
The constant barrage of profiles and the pressure to appear perfect can be draining.
Also, because there is no physical interactions, it’s so easy for so many to treat others with disrespect because there are no social repercussions.
So you are opting for less anxiety-inducing ways to meet potential partners, focusing on self-care over endless swiping.
Who needs a date when you can have a bubble bath and a good face mask, right?
Choice Overload: Swipe Fatigue is Real
Ever stare at a menu with too many options and end up paralyzed by indecision?
That’s decision fatigue.
Dating apps offer a “swipe fatigue” with an overwhelming number of choices, making it hard for you to know where to even begin.
The constant stream of profiles becomes exhausting, and it’s easy to feel decision paralysis set in.
Disenchantment Across Generations: It’s Not Just You
Let’s be honest, Gen Z isn’t the only generation questioning the magic of dating apps.
Dissatisfaction is growing across the board.
Algorithms that seem more interested in keeping you swiping than finding a good match, paywalls that block communication, and negative user experiences are all contributing factors.
Each app promises you something new or unmatched only to lure into this never-ending cycle of swiping and starting over.
Thats how they make money anyway.
So Gen Z has decided not to play this game any longer.
Dating apps might have been the hot new club in town a few years ago, but not for many Gen Z anymore.
They’ve become like the stale afterparty with a questionable punch.
In your head, you’re like:
I’m all good, thanks. I’ll be out here in the real world, dodging spilled drinks and hoping to find a genuine connection that doesn’t require a subscription fee.
How Most Gen Z Now Finds Love Away From Dating Apps
In-Person Interactions:
Social Media Platforms:
Ever tried these MBTI dating sites like Boo or Ur My Type? Let me know below 🙂
Personalized Google Docs:
It’s like online dating with the transparency of a tell-all autobiography (and hopefully fewer restraining orders involved)
At the end. one thing to remember here is to just be yourself.
Authenticity is key! Show off your personality and interests, and let a connection develop naturally.
Don’t waste time pretending to be a gourmet chef when all you crave is a partner-in-crime for late-night Taco raid (wont recommend it but you get my point).
Be upfront about what you’re looking for, whether it’s a casual interaction or someone to tackle adulting with for the long run.
If you ask me personally, I’d say work on what matters the most to you be it your career, emotional regulation, self-awareness or whatever it might be first before jumping in a relationship should you consider that road.
So ditch the dating app charade, embrace your weirdness, work on yourself and internal limitations and get out there.
Who knows, you might just find your person (or at least a decent bagel date).
After all, as the great philosopher Barney Stinson once said, “Suit up!” – a timeless piece of dating advice, applicable even if your “suit” is a mismatched pair of pajamas and a confident smile.
And to make it easier to start, sit down and write the top qualities you are looking to have in your partner and what are the non negotiables for you.
This will ultimately shorten the list of potential dates but you will expand your quality rate and maximize your chances of finding someone you resonate with deeply.
If you are a Gen Z, I’d love to hear from you!
What is your experience in dating and how do you view relationships in general?
Until next time 🙂
